Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I know how Brad and Angelina feel

I always thought celebrities had to be thin, but here I am, flubber and all, a real life neighbourhood star. My newfound status is only conferred on me when I take the triple stroller out for a walk (usually with all three babies in it. Walking it babyless would illustrate the fine line between celebrity and certifiable insanity). I am stopped every thirty seconds. The people who aren’t stopping me are pointing at me, staring, laughing, taking photos on their mobile phones. I am not feeling my most glam, you understand, but I’m being forced to interact with every good old Aussie digger and excitable tourist my sea-side neighbourhood thrusts in my face. The things they usually say to me:

Oooow, triple trouble! (My polite answer: Triple the fun!)
You’ve got your hands full! (Better full than empty)
Do twins run in your family? (They’re running now)
Are they identical?

The last one is the most puzzling to me. T, the boy, is fair-skinned and has a lot of blonde hair. D, the girl is bald and dark. They look so different the doctors were amazed they were born out of the same womb. There are moments when I wonder if I’m actually the victim of one of those hospital baby mix-ups that were so common in eighties soap operas. But let’s assume my neighbourhood is filled with blind people. When I answer that the one is female, the other male, you’d be amazed how many people press the question again “yes, but are they identical?”. It’s only when I say “no, one has a penis” that they shut up.

A confession: I’m becoming a not very nice person. There are only so many times I can smile and say “better full than empty” to well-meaning passers-by who sodding tell me I’ve got my hands full. So I’ve come up with a cunning counter attack.

Tomorrow, when I head out with the triple stroller, I’m going to walk up to random strangers. I’m going to shove myself in their faces and shout in a quick stream:

Ooow, triple trouble I’ve got my hands full yes twins run in my family no they’re not identical yes we understand how to use contraception no I don’t want any more children can I go for my walk now thank you?

See who’s pointing and laughing then.

9 Comments:

Blogger Urban Chick said...

ah yes, the dumbass twin/multiples questions and comments...it was only a matter of time

my tip: buy a sunshade to put over the buggy - that way people will hear them but imagine them to be horribly disfigured (hence your attempt to shield them from an unforgiving world) and will cross the road leaving you to shop/walk to your heart's content

bingo!

11:49 pm  
Blogger Louise said...

I used to be a full-time nanny for twins in sydney, and so the neighbours saw me walking them more than they saw their mum taking them out in the stroller.
I heard the "Oh you've got your hands full" comment so many times that I actually screamed "Duh!" at some poor little old lady going to pick up her pension checque. It was much funnier when I began to tell people casually: "Oh one is mine, but I stole the other one"... and then watch them run away.
Let's face it: People are stupid.

2:14 am  
Blogger Lin said...

"oow, triple trouble I’ve got my hands full yes twins run in my family no they’re not identical yes we understand how to use contraception no I don’t want any more children can I go for my walk now thank you?"

You definitely need to get a T-shirt printed...stat. Then you won't have to say anything. Get yourself some mirror sunglasses, too for the odd times you have to chat...you know, you can shoot them the stink eye and they won't know it.

4:22 am  
Blogger Katy Newton said...

Me. I would be pointing and laughing. I may emigrate just so that I can watch you do it.

4:36 am  
Blogger Neil said...

There's something very ironic about the fact that the best way to meet members of the opposite sex is to walk around with a stroller filled with babies.

5:34 am  
Blogger LJ said...

Atta girl.
Get 'em.

10:38 am  
Blogger k #2 said...

Well meaning people can be such a pain in the ass!!! I like the idea of a stat t-shirt to answer those questions. Augh!!!

4:32 am  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Tee hee! You crack me up!

9:47 am  
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5:49 pm  

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