I want it, I don't, I want it...

So annoyed was I by being overlooked for the jobette that I thought I’d show them what they were missing out on. I wrote a 2 page document of ideas that appeared casual and off the top of my head but were actually carefully considered and researched. I sent it in to the director with my CV. I received a reply a few hours later, dripping with regret that they didn’t hire me. He said he was going to ask his producer for extra money just so he could ‘use’ me for a day of brainstorming, and then get more money for me to write the proposal. He reiterated that he’s sorry he was so hasty to hire someone else. He sounds like a fabulous guy. He wants to meet me next week.

Now this is where I’m really weird. I wanted him to be sorry. I wanted him to think I was marvellous. I didn’t actually want him to offer me another job. I’m not sure if it’s the whole looking for childcare fandango (something that’s proved quite difficult thus far) or if I’m just using that as an excuse. I just feel so very tired. And conflicted. And I have a heinous cold sore on my lips that’s making me feel like a creepy old letch.

I wrote back a sexy little response about being flat out at the moment and then, without realising what I was doing, I offered to proof read the proposal. I’m like a job cocktease – I get them all lubed up and then I run out the room.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel unambiguous about taking work again?