Moving and Shaking

Like the people who write in to Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me… My daughter’s bowel movements have become the focal point of my universe. Before I was a parent I couldn’t comprehend how people could be so dull as to sit around discussing how many times little Timmy or Tina had made poo-poos. But that was BC – Before Constipation. My little one hasn’t pooed in a week. After trying prune juice, we went to see the doctor. He pushed and prodded and poked but nothing came. So he took an earbud and started digging inside, pulling out sticky little faecal bricks. As he excavated, I was given the task of holding the little one’s legs open while she screamed. It was horrible. As each piece of brown treasure came out, I cheered her on – come on, bubs, push. Poor little brave O. After twenty minutes, she was starting to bleed. The doctor decided it was enough. He sent me home with some sugared medicine to soften the stool. Have checked her nappy three times since she’s taken it. There’s been some thunder and rain but no hail as yet.

There wasn’t a clear moment when I crossed the line from normal adult to freaked out poo-obsessed parent. It happened somewhere between feeding, burping, changing and bathing... Must run. I think I hear a fart with the promise of more…