Monday, January 30, 2006

So much. So much. So much.

People always tell me it’s never the things you worry about that turn out to be the things you should have worried about. I’ve developed a corollary for this. If you’re worried about something, be sure to worry about it even more. Focus all your attention on worrying. That way you’re giving it the best chance of not being something you had to worry about. By way of example:

O’s renal scan last Friday. All the sage doctors I’ve encountered this year warned me that children with tethered spinal cords often have kidney and bladder problems. Also, every single time O has been subjected to a test they’ve found more than what they were looking for. So I was super worried.

The scan itself was heinous. I had to hold O down while she bucked and screamed, her eyes never leaving mine. She’s had enough of being held down on white-sheeted tables while I sing Twinkle, Twinkle in a vain effort to calm her. I’m probably creating some horrid association in her mind with the song.

When it was over, there was waiting. And a physio appointment and a quick check-up with the neurosurgeon and then The Results.

Nothing. They found nothing wrong.

I thought I was hearing incorrectly. The relief drained all the adrenalin from my body and I felt suddenly exhausted. Finally, they found nothing.

And the new house is a mess and my dad now has pig’s valves pumping blood through his body. And he had to be re-admitted to hospital to drain three litres of fluid from his lungs. And he became so depressed that he wouldn’t even let me cook him dinner. (Not sure if that’s a sign of depression or just good taste). But a few weeks ago I went over there and he criticised my mom for not sitting down while she ate. I joined in to have a go at her so he turned on me. He’s better! I thought. He’s back to his old self.

Little O continues to struggle to move. We now go to the physio twice a week but O is wise to the fact that I’m trying to make her muscles work in ways she doesn’t want to. She’s developed a loud squeal (not unlike the one the sow they killed to save my father must have made). The squeal is so ear-poppingly horrendous that it’s hard not to give in to it. But I press on, my now gargantuan belly never stopping me from getting on the ground to facilitate O’s exercises.

Two weeks until my due date. Two weeks until my life changes irrevocably. Two weeks until I become the Freakshow people stare at in the park as I waddle past with my triple stroller.

And kindness. I haven’t said anything about kindness and there is so much to say. This year has been an incredibly challenging one, but at the same time it has exposed me to the most giving, generous people I have ever encountered. People I barely know have been dropping round with food for us and clothes for the twins. Our friends have been incredible. The Jewish community has kicked in in a way I never anticipated. When I’m just about to implode from exhaustion and frustration and fear, I have a feeling of being enveloped in love and support by people who are giving so much to us through this period of flux and challenge. I hope that I can someday do the same thing for other families.

At the very least I can tell them to keep worrying about the things that really worry them, so that those will be the ones they never needed to worry about.

12 Comments:

Blogger Frankenmum said...

That's glorious news about O and nice to see you back in cyberspace... before the big reveal and whole new baby filled world.

Just remember to keep your head up when you're pushing that threeseat pram.. and enjoy folks making way for you respectfully. Deservedly so..

xx

10:00 pm  
Blogger Calliope said...

sooooooooo glad to see you. Have been worried & sending prayers your way.

Can not believe that DD is in two weeks!! My goodness!
Continuing to vibe you support & care from across the pond.
xo

12:44 am  
Blogger Lin said...

Welcome back, YC. Your words have been missed.

On the Baby O front: YAY!!!!!!

On the Twin front: YAY!!! And why is it that other people's pregnancies always go so much more quickly than one's own?

2:45 am  
Blogger surly girl said...

welcome back. glad your dad is on the mend and that o is doing well. small person has only ever had 1 night in hospital (at 7 months) but i'll never forget how awful it was to hold her down while they got a drip into her foot.

i don't do religion, but am sending heartfelt happy thoughts from freezing england.

3:23 am  
Blogger Stacey said...

Yidchick - Glad to see you back posting. Thank G-d for the wonderful news about O's test. So glad it came out so well. She will show them all! Bshaa Tova on your due date. Are they inducing you early? I still have 6 weeks....but I don't think I am going to make it that long. You can just always hang out with some really frum people if you want to feel "normal" with your 3-kid pram. ;)

4:19 am  
Blogger Urban Chick said...

hey!

how great to hear from you again

and i can't believe you're 38 weeks' gone - jeeez, what happened to all the weeks and months?!


UC

5:39 am  
Blogger sbs said...

hello again - fabulous news about baby O, lovely lovely.
we've got five weeks to go (and four till the next show - how did I manage that?)

3:35 am  
Blogger LJ said...

Glad to see you back. Glad, glad about O. Finally. Who would think "nothing" was a fabulous word?

8:36 am  
Blogger spindleshanks said...

hurray for baby o's nothing, and - like everyone else - happy astonishment at how soon those twins are coming. and hurray for your pig-hearted dad too. and a new house. crikey, there's most of the major life-changing events crammed into the first 4 weeks of 2006. hope the rest of it is joyous.

9:27 am  
Blogger Teri said...

Welcome back, mama! So glad to hear what's going on, that li'l O and dad are well, and that two new yiddies are on the horizon. I wish we lived closer so I could give you a hand with things. Bless you and the fam! xo

10:16 pm  
Blogger Lala said...

If you check your stats and see someone was on your blog for the whole day - it was me here in Canada. I could swear I've commented before, a long while back but I couldn't find it. I just want to say I think you're a fantastic writer and an incredibly strong mom. Good luck

7:33 am  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

I glad to hear baby O's negative results.
Can't believe you're ready to pop already!
hang in there.
Laura

8:42 am  

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